Funny Craziest Unforgivable Answers From Matatu Touts. Majibu ya Makanga

Conductors are without a doubt some of the rudest humans you are bound to encounter in your lifetime. Funnily enough, they always have a savage come back to any kind of spiteful comment you might throw their way.

Here are of the craziest and rudest unforgiving answers from matatu touts that have been shared by different people. Compiled For Just for you!!

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Me: Tao NingapiConta: Tao ni moja

1.An elderly woman complains about the music “Wekeni nyimbo za Yesu”
Conductor: Mathee, Yesu bado hajatoa album

2.Passenger: Kuna kiti?
Conductor: Hao wengine wamekalia ndoo?

Read: Best of sipendi ujinga compilations

3.Passenger: Kuna kiti ama ni zile uongo zenu?
Conductor: Hehe kama ulikua unaogopa kukosa kiti si ungebeba yako.

4.Passenger: Bwana hii gari ina joto sana!
Conductor: Basi shuka upande fridge.

5.Conductor: Madam,kuna seats pale nyuma.
Passenger: Siwezi kaa seats za nyuma. Nataka ya mbele.
Conductor: Kwani za nyuma ziko nje ya gari? Basi wacha dereva ashuke ukae mbele.

6.Passenger: Tao ngapi?
Conductor: Mbao
Passenger: Niko na kumi
Conductor: Iyo nunua avocado ujipake uteleze mpaka tao.

7.Girl: Dereva ongeza volume tuskie Mwalimu King’ang’i
Connductor: Ungeskiza Mwalimu wa shule ungekua na gari yako si kutusumbua hapa na King’ang’i ..

Conda:Beba beba madam unaenda?
Lady:Sneers,rolls eyes and mschewwws>
Conda: Unaringa na unafanana kiatu yangu na chini, Dere inua!

Conda:Beba beba tao twende!
Plump Chic:Ni ngapi?
Conda:Tao ni 70 msuper
Plump Chic: Ai siezi lipa hio!
Conda: Haya juu uko na tyre kwa tumbo, roll hadi tao, nkt!

Conda;town 60 60 60 …
All passengers ignore …
Conda; dere inua, hawa ni ka wanangoja Ngamia...

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Woman: We hii kelele ni mingi sana!
Conda(pretending not to hear): Ati?
Woman: Nasema kelele ni mingi, punguza!
Conda: Oooh pole fungua dirisha itoke
Conda: Pesa yako

Read: Funny maswali na majibu ya polisi

<passenger hands over a 1000 Ksh>
Conda: Hauna Pesa ingine
<Passenger hands over another 1000Ksh>
Conda: Dere simamisha gari turushe mtu inje
Conda:Haya pesa yako hapo nyuma..
Man:Ah nitakupatia.Utaipata tu hapo mbele.
Conda:Ala kwani hiyo pesa yako inapandia stage gani?

Conda:Hela mkononi hapo!
Dude:Gives cash, dozes off
Conda:Boss sasa leta ya lodging

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 Kwa Stage: When the donda asks whether a passenger is boarding.

Conductor: Boss unaenda?

Passenger: Hapana, Niko poa.

Conductor: Si wote tuko poa. Wagonjwa wako hosi.

 When a passenger is asking about the fare.

Passenger: Ruaka ni how Much?

Conductor: Sijaskia Ruaka ikiuzwa. Nikiskia ntakushow.

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Passenger: Roysambu ni ngapi?

Conductor: Roysambu ni moja. Unless Chinese wamejenga nyingine

 Passenger: Mwisho wa gari ni wapi?

Conductor: Mwisho ni hapo place yenye number plate iko.

10. A lady asking for direction.

Slay Queen: Excuse me. Gari Za Mwiki Zinapandiwa wapi?

Conductor: Ziliacha kupandwa juu hazimei.

Also read: 38 Rib-cracking Matatu sticker’s ‘quotes’.

11. Conda: Beba beba tao twende!

Plump Chic: Ni ngapi?

Conda: Tao ni 70 msuper

Plump Chic: Ai siezi lipa hio!

Conda: Haya juu uko na tyre kwa tumbo, roll hadi tao, nkt!

 Conductor: Madam, kuna seats pale nyuma.

Passenger: Siwezi kaa seats za nyuma. Nataka ya mbele.

Conductor: Kwani za nyuma ziko nje ya gari? Basi wacha dereva ashuke ukae mbele.

 Passenger: Dere harakisha nimechelewa.

Conductor: Ungekuwa na haraka ungeanza safari jana.